My buddy and I were doing a remodel job on a hotel and casino in Reno, Nv. and one day we started hanging up modern art style paintings in the hotel rooms. I hung the first painting and stepped back to look at it next to my buddy and I said, "It looks pretty good in this room", to which he replied, "That's so ugly, I wouldn't shove it up my ass if there was room for a battleship". After contemplating the depths of that statement for a couple minutes it had me cracking up. I try to use it whenever I can, which isn't often.
My brother used to say, "I like my women like I like my beer: cheap, flat and full of alcohol"