I started this with just a brainstorming session with a fellow smoker in my group for Film Studies at college. Our task was to create a short film lasting 5-7 minutes long showing what we had learned throughout the course about editing styles, mise en scene, genre, and other stuff like that.
We had a couple of novelty ideas; trailer for a murder mystery film which we could film in a real murder mystery house; short mock-pilot for a comedy series a la The Office and Curb your Enthusiasm set at college. But this is what we decided on, thought up stoned as shit.
The grading for the film was entirely based on how it looked, so we wouldn't get any marks for writing the script, but because I just like to write stuff, I spent a few hours writing dialogue, trying to give it some depth and meaning.
Tell me what you think.
The youtube link for it is, http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&hl=en-GB&v=SW10-9RHD8I
And here's the script if you're interested. It was only a shooting script so it's got a lot of spelling errors.
Bother.
Int. Bedroom - Day
We see closeups of what looks like a dozen different bottles of pills. On two of the covers we see the phrases: 'Mood Stabilizers, Lithium, take 1 per morning and night. To be taken orally. Prescribed to Charlie Bother, 6th August 1997', and 'Mood Stabilizers, Sodium Valporate, 2 taken twice a day, morning and night. To be taken orally. Prescribed to Charlie Bother, 6th November 1999'. The final one we have a colse-up of reads: 'Neuroleptics, Olanzapine, taken once per day. To be taken orally. Prescribed to Charlie Bother, 6th December 2007'. These are just the ones that we can see. While we go over the bottles we can hear CHARLIE gently singing a song to himself.
We cut to see Charlie opening the bottle of Olanzapine and swallowing one. The bottle is now empty.
Ext. Empty street - Day
Clouds overhang as rain lightly spits. Firmly in the view of the camera we see a boy; sixteen or seventeen: CHARLIE. His hair is slightly unkempt, contrasting his expensive looking clothing. We see him walking forward with the camera staying in front. He looks somewhat happy, almost like a small child before buying some sweets. His attention drifts quickly and randomly between different things in the surrounding street.
CHARLIE
The last few weeks... they've really been a bitch. Me, my sister, Dad an Mum just moves here from Essex. I can't say I'm really enjoying the Lancashire accent; tends to grate the ear drums. We moved here from Colchester, in Essex. I quite liked it there actually. It's good for me to have a routine, you know? I'd get up at seven fifteen in the morning, have a shower, eat three pieces of Wheatabix and semi-skimmed milk, followed by a small glass of orange juice. I'd make my lunches: two marmite sandwiches, a packet of ready salted crisps and a banana. It's really important for me to eat right, keeps my blood sugar at the right level and stops me from getting tired. Depending on what pills I'd take at the rime I'd usually have one in the morning and brush my teeth an floss. I'd catch the ten past eight bus into the centre of town, getting into college at eight thirry-five. I know I shouldn't but I'd go straight to the smokers area. I thought I was casual until I counted that I smoked twelve a day. Slight miscalculation there.
Charlie stops what he's talking about and focuses intently on an old, crumpled can on the floor as he walks past it. When it goes out of his line of sight he turns to look at it for a few seconds, then realises what he was talking about. He doesn't seem to notice his lack of concentration.
CHARLIE
Most of the students loved it, but I hated having so many free lessons. I didn't really want to hang around for two hours at a time and talk complete crap. I think it's better for me to always have something to do. Keep my mind on something.
Charlie checks the time on his phone.
CHARLIE
Three forty-five. I'll be there a little bit early. Cool. I've only been needing, like, four hours of sleep recently, it's been great. The doctors call it a manic episode. I've had it for about a week and I've gotten loads accomplished. I've completed all of my coursework, painted and drawn, like, eight paintings and drawings.
He checks the time again.
CHARLIE
Three forty-six. You know, there's a ridiculous amount of names for for depression: blue, dejected, desolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dull, dysphoric, gloomy, heavy-hearted, low, melancholic, melancholy, sad, spiritless, tristful, unhappy, wistful. I'd have thought you'd only need one. I can always tell when I'm gonna have a downcast period. But not today. Today I feel good.
cut to:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
A girl, maybe a little bit older than Charlie looks about a room. In the corner we see that same bottles as before. Her eyes are red, like she's just been crying, but he face is expressionless. She runs her hand over several paintings and drawings. They are very good, abstract, pieces, from someone with genuine talent.
cut to:
EXT. EMPTY STREET - DAY
Charlie's phone rings. The ringtone is:..................... On the other end we hear the speech of an old doctor, tired and uninterested. Before he answers he hesitates, looking at the screen.
charlie
Hello?
DR. FAINSWORTH
Hello. Is this one Charlie Bother?
CHARLIE
Yeah...
DR. FAINSWORTH
This is Dr. Fainsworth, from the Mental Health Unit in Burnley. I'm calling about your appointment today.
CHARLIE
Uh-hu...
DR. FAINSWORTH
I'm very sorry to tell you that we're we're going to have to cancel.
CHARLIE
Any particular reason.
DR. FAINSWORTH
Um, problems with overbooking. We just can't handle to increased demand for out services.
CHARLIE
I've had this booked for three months.
DR. FAINSWORTH
I'm well aware, but you're case file says that you are a low-risk patient. There are others who need help more immediately.
Beat.
DR. FAINSWORTH
(cont'd)
I'm very sorry about the inconvenience.
CHARLIE
I really feel like I need this appointment.
DR. FAINSWORTH
Before I leave you, um... Charlie, do you have anymore questions.
CHARLIE
Do you know when we'll be able to reschedule for?
DR. FAINSWORTH
I can't really give you an estimate. I'm sorry Charlie, but I'm very busy.
CHARLIE
We were gonna talk about trying some different medications. The ones I've got now aren't really doing anything, you know?
DR. FAINSWORTH
Sorry, I've really gotta go.
The doctor hangs up, leaving Charlie with his mobile still to his ear.
Very long beat.
We see Charlie put his phone in his pocket.
Beat.
Charlie turns around then takes a left turning, going a different way to where he came from, completely lacking any purpose to his destination.
CHARLIE
What the fu-- I've had that appointment for six months. The olanzapine is doing jack-shit. Makes me so fucking numb. I didn't even want to come to Lancashire; complete shithole. "It'll be a new start", my Dad said. Bollocks to him.
Charlie turns another corner.
CHARLIE
I don;t even know anybody. Three weeks at college and I don't a single bloody person. I've tried tomeet new people, bloody hell have I tried, but nobody really seems to wanna associate with manic depressives. Bollocks to them. What the bloody hell do they mean when they say depressed? Why do they brand me with blue, dejected, desolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dull, dysphoric, gloomy, heavy-hearted, low, melancholic, melancholy, sad, spiritless, tristful, unhappy, wistful? Huh? Seems like complete bollocks to me.
cut to:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
The girl now looks strained, like she's exhausted while she walks around the room. She completely ignores the bottles of pills. She comes to a teddy-bear. She closes her eyes then takes in the bear's smell. Her eyes look tightly closed.
ext. duel carriageways - day
The sound of speeding cars can faintly be heard. The camera changes to follow Charlie as he walks to the side of a busy duel carriageway.
charlie
The last few weeks. They've really been a bitch.
The camera turns away as he walks into the road. We hear a car's horn go then a cringe-inducing car crash, seeming to last for a very long time. Before it finishes no naturalistic sound can be heard. The song that Charlie was singing earlier, the same as his ringtone, starts playing.
cut to:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
The young girl sits down on the bed holding the same teddy bear as before. She breaks down into tears as the songs blares. The focus shits to show what was once a blurred out object is actually a picture of her and Charlie with their parents sitting for at a restaurant together. Out of focus we see an adult, presumably one of he parents sit down next to her to comfort the girl.
End.
We had a couple of novelty ideas; trailer for a murder mystery film which we could film in a real murder mystery house; short mock-pilot for a comedy series a la The Office and Curb your Enthusiasm set at college. But this is what we decided on, thought up stoned as shit.
The grading for the film was entirely based on how it looked, so we wouldn't get any marks for writing the script, but because I just like to write stuff, I spent a few hours writing dialogue, trying to give it some depth and meaning.
Tell me what you think.
The youtube link for it is, http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&hl=en-GB&v=SW10-9RHD8I
And here's the script if you're interested. It was only a shooting script so it's got a lot of spelling errors.
Bother.
Int. Bedroom - Day
We see closeups of what looks like a dozen different bottles of pills. On two of the covers we see the phrases: 'Mood Stabilizers, Lithium, take 1 per morning and night. To be taken orally. Prescribed to Charlie Bother, 6th August 1997', and 'Mood Stabilizers, Sodium Valporate, 2 taken twice a day, morning and night. To be taken orally. Prescribed to Charlie Bother, 6th November 1999'. The final one we have a colse-up of reads: 'Neuroleptics, Olanzapine, taken once per day. To be taken orally. Prescribed to Charlie Bother, 6th December 2007'. These are just the ones that we can see. While we go over the bottles we can hear CHARLIE gently singing a song to himself.
We cut to see Charlie opening the bottle of Olanzapine and swallowing one. The bottle is now empty.
Ext. Empty street - Day
Clouds overhang as rain lightly spits. Firmly in the view of the camera we see a boy; sixteen or seventeen: CHARLIE. His hair is slightly unkempt, contrasting his expensive looking clothing. We see him walking forward with the camera staying in front. He looks somewhat happy, almost like a small child before buying some sweets. His attention drifts quickly and randomly between different things in the surrounding street.
CHARLIE
The last few weeks... they've really been a bitch. Me, my sister, Dad an Mum just moves here from Essex. I can't say I'm really enjoying the Lancashire accent; tends to grate the ear drums. We moved here from Colchester, in Essex. I quite liked it there actually. It's good for me to have a routine, you know? I'd get up at seven fifteen in the morning, have a shower, eat three pieces of Wheatabix and semi-skimmed milk, followed by a small glass of orange juice. I'd make my lunches: two marmite sandwiches, a packet of ready salted crisps and a banana. It's really important for me to eat right, keeps my blood sugar at the right level and stops me from getting tired. Depending on what pills I'd take at the rime I'd usually have one in the morning and brush my teeth an floss. I'd catch the ten past eight bus into the centre of town, getting into college at eight thirry-five. I know I shouldn't but I'd go straight to the smokers area. I thought I was casual until I counted that I smoked twelve a day. Slight miscalculation there.
Charlie stops what he's talking about and focuses intently on an old, crumpled can on the floor as he walks past it. When it goes out of his line of sight he turns to look at it for a few seconds, then realises what he was talking about. He doesn't seem to notice his lack of concentration.
CHARLIE
Most of the students loved it, but I hated having so many free lessons. I didn't really want to hang around for two hours at a time and talk complete crap. I think it's better for me to always have something to do. Keep my mind on something.
Charlie checks the time on his phone.
CHARLIE
Three forty-five. I'll be there a little bit early. Cool. I've only been needing, like, four hours of sleep recently, it's been great. The doctors call it a manic episode. I've had it for about a week and I've gotten loads accomplished. I've completed all of my coursework, painted and drawn, like, eight paintings and drawings.
He checks the time again.
CHARLIE
Three forty-six. You know, there's a ridiculous amount of names for for depression: blue, dejected, desolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dull, dysphoric, gloomy, heavy-hearted, low, melancholic, melancholy, sad, spiritless, tristful, unhappy, wistful. I'd have thought you'd only need one. I can always tell when I'm gonna have a downcast period. But not today. Today I feel good.
cut to:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
A girl, maybe a little bit older than Charlie looks about a room. In the corner we see that same bottles as before. Her eyes are red, like she's just been crying, but he face is expressionless. She runs her hand over several paintings and drawings. They are very good, abstract, pieces, from someone with genuine talent.
cut to:
EXT. EMPTY STREET - DAY
Charlie's phone rings. The ringtone is:..................... On the other end we hear the speech of an old doctor, tired and uninterested. Before he answers he hesitates, looking at the screen.
charlie
Hello?
DR. FAINSWORTH
Hello. Is this one Charlie Bother?
CHARLIE
Yeah...
DR. FAINSWORTH
This is Dr. Fainsworth, from the Mental Health Unit in Burnley. I'm calling about your appointment today.
CHARLIE
Uh-hu...
DR. FAINSWORTH
I'm very sorry to tell you that we're we're going to have to cancel.
CHARLIE
Any particular reason.
DR. FAINSWORTH
Um, problems with overbooking. We just can't handle to increased demand for out services.
CHARLIE
I've had this booked for three months.
DR. FAINSWORTH
I'm well aware, but you're case file says that you are a low-risk patient. There are others who need help more immediately.
Beat.
DR. FAINSWORTH
(cont'd)
I'm very sorry about the inconvenience.
CHARLIE
I really feel like I need this appointment.
DR. FAINSWORTH
Before I leave you, um... Charlie, do you have anymore questions.
CHARLIE
Do you know when we'll be able to reschedule for?
DR. FAINSWORTH
I can't really give you an estimate. I'm sorry Charlie, but I'm very busy.
CHARLIE
We were gonna talk about trying some different medications. The ones I've got now aren't really doing anything, you know?
DR. FAINSWORTH
Sorry, I've really gotta go.
The doctor hangs up, leaving Charlie with his mobile still to his ear.
Very long beat.
We see Charlie put his phone in his pocket.
Beat.
Charlie turns around then takes a left turning, going a different way to where he came from, completely lacking any purpose to his destination.
CHARLIE
What the fu-- I've had that appointment for six months. The olanzapine is doing jack-shit. Makes me so fucking numb. I didn't even want to come to Lancashire; complete shithole. "It'll be a new start", my Dad said. Bollocks to him.
Charlie turns another corner.
CHARLIE
I don;t even know anybody. Three weeks at college and I don't a single bloody person. I've tried tomeet new people, bloody hell have I tried, but nobody really seems to wanna associate with manic depressives. Bollocks to them. What the bloody hell do they mean when they say depressed? Why do they brand me with blue, dejected, desolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dull, dysphoric, gloomy, heavy-hearted, low, melancholic, melancholy, sad, spiritless, tristful, unhappy, wistful? Huh? Seems like complete bollocks to me.
cut to:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
The girl now looks strained, like she's exhausted while she walks around the room. She completely ignores the bottles of pills. She comes to a teddy-bear. She closes her eyes then takes in the bear's smell. Her eyes look tightly closed.
ext. duel carriageways - day
The sound of speeding cars can faintly be heard. The camera changes to follow Charlie as he walks to the side of a busy duel carriageway.
charlie
The last few weeks. They've really been a bitch.
The camera turns away as he walks into the road. We hear a car's horn go then a cringe-inducing car crash, seeming to last for a very long time. Before it finishes no naturalistic sound can be heard. The song that Charlie was singing earlier, the same as his ringtone, starts playing.
cut to:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
The young girl sits down on the bed holding the same teddy bear as before. She breaks down into tears as the songs blares. The focus shits to show what was once a blurred out object is actually a picture of her and Charlie with their parents sitting for at a restaurant together. Out of focus we see an adult, presumably one of he parents sit down next to her to comfort the girl.
End.