Need some serious direction here guys/girls.

Ok I am having some marital problems right now, but I'm not here to ask for relationship advice. I'm not sure how much longer my wife and I can stand each other and unfortunatly I wouldn't put it past her to use my grow as leverage. I am going to finish out my grow, because right now things are going smooth at home. I am getting very close to time to flower so I believe in three more months my plants will be ready for harvest. What I need help on is what I need to do with my lights, rockwool, rooting hormoan, etc. I have a grow shed/tent build I'm doing right now in my attick and I figured I would try and grow vegetables up there when I finish up my plants to make it look like the structure was in the attick for legitimate purposes. I just need some advice, I have a shit load of seeds but I plan on hiding those in my office at work.

Thanks in advance

James Bond said:

Ok I am having some marital problems right now, but I'm not here to ask for relationship advice. I'm not sure how much longer my wife and I can stand each other and unfortunatly I wouldn't put it past her to use my grow as leverage. I am going to finish out my grow, because right now things are going smooth at home. I am getting very close to time to flower so I believe in three more months my plants will be ready for harvest. What I need help on is what I need to do with my lights, rockwool, rooting hormoan, etc. I have a grow shed/tent build I'm doing right now in my attick and I figured I would try and grow vegetables up there when I finish up my plants to make it look like the structure was in the attick for legitimate purposes. I just need some advice, I have a shit load of seeds but I plan on hiding those in my office at work.

Thanks in advance

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You're on a rickety bridge.
Hide that shit at a friends or something before it's too late.
She will use it to her advantage, blackmail perhaps?


I wouldn't even do that whole vegetable stuff because i'm sure the police are not that stupid..


peace.

id try and be nice to her until ur plants are ready. if by that time u are seperated and she will use it against u... just leave it for awhile. pack up ur grow room. wait till shes out of ur life then start up again if u wish.

dont know where u live, but if ur in the UK its not illegal to store seeds. if ur in the states then id hide them at a friends house if u can or in ur desk at ur office until the heat has worn off.

Unfortunately it is a damn near permanent structure in the attick now. My closest friend lives an hour away and he doesn't smoke. I wouldn't feel right asking him to hold the plants anyways. I have a clean record as well, not so much as a speeding ticket. I also attend church almost regularly, and the denomination does not approve of the use of even alcohol and cigs. I'm hoping all this just makes her look bad for even suggesting that I was growing pot. Honestly I was planning on growing tomatos up in my attick this winter, lol. Like I said right now things are running smooth, but I have to keep walking on eggshells and this is causing me a great deal of anxiety. I think I will have my buddy hold onto all of my equipment and seeds.

I live in the states, midwest actually.

how long do the plants have left? i sounds like u are still vegging? it depends how close to finish u are. i have to stop my grow in 4 weeks so i switch straight to flowering just to finish the grow.

if ur still in the early stages and dont want to rush it then id stop. sell ur plants to a friend or someone that does smoke for 10 dollars each or something.

My plants could go into flower right now if I wanted. I have a female that has hairs(pistils) right now and I am veging.

Im really sorry I hope everything goes okay its too bad you two cant split on nice terms me and my old man talked about if we ever split what we would do with the stuff and decided we would grow together keep the stuff at my house and he get rid of the end product would you two be able to come to a compromise like that?

My wife is the most spiteful vindictive person I know. The only way I could even grow in the first place was by telling her I was going to sell it so I could pay for a trip to the Bahamas. Just so you guys know I didn't plan on dealing, but that was the only way she would approve. Our first anniversary was on the 7th this month. She works as like a nurse intern at a hospital and has to get up at 5am to go to work. We planned to go out Sunday the 6th and have a dinner and a few drinks, because she took the 7th off so she could be out late. Well the night, so I thought was going fine, but she had three BIG long island iced teas and was pretty drunk. Well we get in the car and I ask if she wants to go pick up some fun items to spice up the nigh, she used to enjoy this. She said yeh whatever, so we go and get some things. I would like to add I don't talk in the car, not much anyways. We get back in the car and start heading back to the house, well like usual my attention is on the road. I will speak when spoken to, but I don't start conversations in the car. She makes a comment, statement, and I don't reply. She gets a little irked and says why won't you talk to me. I reply with something like you just said whatever she said. She starts going on and on about me not communicating and how I treat her horrible bla bla. I am trying my best to get her calmed down, but she is just going and going. She starts screaming at me and telling me that there are many other guys that would love to have her and treat her better than I ever could. I can't hardly get a word in and when she stops to get my reply it just starts more yelling. We get to the highway that connects to the county road that leads to my house and at this point she is screaming at me saying she hates me, now I have never never told her I hated her the word is very strong. She is telling me that she is going to leave and i am the bigges mistake she ever made blaming me for all of her problems. At one point she is telling me to stop the car and get out because it is her car(it's in her name but I have made more payments on it than she has) I said your drunk you can't drive. She responded in a slurred drunken voice "I'm not that drunk and I fucking hate you". She starts to open the door with me going 65mph down the highway saying she is getting out of the car whether I stop or not, so I wrap my arm around her and tell her she is being stupid. She starts screaming at me again saying I'm hurting her and she starts screaming that she is going to yell for help. I pull the car over and try to calm her down, but it's not working. She gets out of the car and starts walking the oposit direction I'm headed in the car. I got out of the car and start yelling come back her and she yells back that she hates me. I stand there and yell for her to come back for another 5 mins. I realise how rediculous this is and get back in the car. I got back on the road and started heading to the house, wondering if it is even worth going back for her. I can't stand thinking about her all alone at midnight on the side of the highway and I turn around and go back to get her. I find her headed the same direction as we were originally headed. She gets in the car screaming at me again saying I left her to die and that she hates me and wants to leave me. I told her whatever I'm not fighting any more.

We get to the house and she goes and grabs her pillow and a blanket and goes to the other bedroom and comes out and yells at me some more and blames me for everything yet again.

There's more just my hands are cramping lol.

She wouldn't only be shooting herself in the foot, but she would not be able to get her nursing lisence either. She would move in with her parents or a friend before she would turn me though. She's not stupid.

wow! that sounds like a really scary night!

how long did you guys know each other before you got married?

have you thought about couples therapy? maybe there's someone at your church you could talk to?

She finally went to bed and I laid on the couch trying to make sense of the night and where everything went wrong. I even went to the computer and started searching about filing for divorce and dissolusion and how everything works in my state. What a great anniversery present, go to the court house and file for dissolusion. She wakes up around 5am and comes into the living room and wakes me up off the couch. She has sobered up at this point and asks me if I'm coming to bed. I get up without saying anything and go to the bedroom and lay down. She lays down and says I wasn't to drunk to know what I was saying and waits for a response from me. I lay there for a minute and just say "I love you" and turn over and shut my eyes. She gave an angry sigh. The next morning she asks what we are doing(for out anniversary) and I just look at her, wondering why the hell I should make an attempt at doing anything. I had planned on going to a local vinyard and having a nice late lunch and some wine. I just say "well I guess we can see if we can get reservations for the vinyard". She rolls her eyes and gives me some sort of comment that I can't remember. Well I made the reservations and things seem to be ok, but not if you know what I mean. I'm just trying to make the best of the day with what had happened the day before.

We leave to go to the vinyard and things seem ok no arguing nothing. We get there and order a winde sample tray and try some wines and decide on a wine and buy a bottle. We have a nice time, I thought, and eat good food and drink a bottle of wine. I had mentioned going to a bordering state to a tattoo shop I had heard about several days earlier. It was about 10 mins from the vineyard. She says why don't we go check it out, so we do. I'm thinking everything is fine I'm having a good time and she is looking through tattoo flash seeing if she likes anything. She doesn't see anything so she talks to the tattoo artist about a custom drawing and he says he will work something up and we set an appointment.

Ok I'm thinking today is a better day yesterday must have just been her blowing off some steam, whatever. We get into the car and start heading back home, home is about an hour and twenty minutes away. 15mins into the drive she says "it's never going to get better is it". I just turn to her and say "what?". She says it's never going to be ok or something. I thought things were ok and we were having a nice day, but I was wrong as I guess I often am. We get into a more civil argument than the night before. She is telling me all my flaws and how I don't treat her well. I don't know what to say. She keeps saying I can never make her feel better when she has a bad day, that I don't comfort her, and I don't give her enough attention/effection. Ok when I try and make her feel better she comes back with negative comments and tells me "no it won't be ok", when I try to be effectionate she pushes me away, if she is angry and I tell her I love her she turns her head and doesn't speak. She is inconsolable. I ask her why she always has such a negative attitude about everything. She gets mad and says you knew who I was when you married me and then said it hurt her to hear me say that. She starts crying saying she wanted that day to be special and gets mad again. I told I thought everything was fine untill she made that statement. She just told me I want her to pretend everthing is ok all the time.

This eventually calmed down and she appologized and I have been walking the strait and narrow since constantly stepping on egg shells waiting for her to start again.

ElBarto said:

wow! that sounds like a really scary night!

how long did you guys know each other before you got married?

have you thought about couples therapy? maybe there's someone at your church you could talk to?

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We have dated since we were 17 in highschool. I am getting ready to turn 22. We lived together almost 2 years before we got married. She has always had her little temper tantrums, but I figured she would grow out of it really. I had some incedents when I was younger with how my father handled anger that I don't really like to dwell on, but when she goes into these little tantrums it kind of brings me back to when I was a child. When we first started dating she was willing to compromise on everything television, radio, music, food, etc. . Now she gets in the car and says "you know I hate this station", I turn on the tv and "you know I hate this channel", and she asks what I want for dinner 5 choices later "I don't care I'm not hungry anyways". By the way all quoted statements are in a very negative tone.

Just so you know, I'm not saying I'm the perfect husband or anything. I have my shortcomings and I'm not always a cheery happy go lucky person. I get mad and angry, but I deal with it in a much different way.

Well, you can call bullshit if you want, but my experience is that we're attracted to the people that can help us work out our problems. Sounds like you might have already figured that out for yourself: your dad was angry, you ended up married to an angry woman, right?

I kind of wonder how your mom handled your dad's anger, whether you have any siblings and how they reacted, whether there were any substance abuse issues at play, etc, etc. but that's just me being nosey.

What I'm saying is that you're both horribly unhappy right now and breaking up might be the solution or it might just be a way of running away from the problem. Even if you split up, it's a good bet that you'll find yourself in the almost the exact same situation with someone else five years down the road—or maybe not, what do i know?

Unfortunately, I prided myself in being able to handle my emotions differently than my father but instead am as passive aggressive as what my mother was. My parents are divorced and my mother has learned that you can't just lie down and take shit all the time. My father was never physically abusive just so it's known. He has also mellowed out and can better deal with his own anger. They have both remarried and my father has since divorced his second wife(she was crazy).

I sometimes wonder if my childhood has some effect on this and it seems like an obvious answer.

Anyways, if I just have a the grow room upstairs full of lights and vegetables is that enough for the cops to be suspisious or at least make them able to keep returning to see what I'm growing.

that was just cos shes drunk. my gf is like that as well and done something similar to that.

"ur hurting me, let go or ill scream" - yer, ull hurt ur self and scream even more if u fall out of the car whilst its moving.

i dont know what ur like with women but sometimes its best to shout at them. u have a stronger voice. use it but dont abuse it. if she wont stop yelling, just shout stop, calm down, wait a minute and start to lower ur voice as she calms down, then u both can actually talk and both say something.

my gf has also done somethin like that where shes gone somewhere and im thinkin "fuck it, im goin home, cant be bothered with this crap" then i think about her alone and go back an get her - if u dont do this u will be in trouble. always go back for them.

hopefully u can both talk an work something out. if not then id try to end it on good terms rather than bad.

good luck

Last thing I want is an ugly divorce. I really don't know how we will be able to continue on though. I thought at one time we had the same goals in life, but I don't believe that anymore. I want to be happy and live comfortably and I can do that now. She wants to live rich and wants to make as much money as possible and do expensive things and go to expensive places. When we talk about kids all she talks about is how she wants them to have the best and most expensive this and that and how she wants to take them here and there. If I have kids I want then to have nice things, but to also have respect for their belongings. She is to focused on material items and will never be happy untill she learns to be content with what she has.

damn dude dont get it twisted shes got a major problem

it either must be fixed or im sorry to say u need to move on. do you have any kids?


my wife had a problem similar and i thought that was bad but seems like u got it way worse.

my wifes mom is scizophrenic and i think something runs in the family


things got bad with us to the point were i just couldnt take it no more i wanted to get a divorce but we have two kids,

finally I told her to make an appoitment with a doc to get on some meds as she was not acting normal and taking everything out on me.


ill tell you what, shes been on a drug called selexa or somting and everything has changed 360 degrees

u dont deserve to be treated like that, your gurl is an emotional rollercoster and she needs help. or else u need to cut your losses and leave your still young, there are so many cute really nice and sweet gurls out there

get here on meds ASAP.


or get rid of your grow asap. and dismantle the attic setup or you will regret it, mark my words

she is taking you for granted and taking advantage of you, u will find love will disapear like nothing when someone treats u this way, u only been married a year. give her an ultimatum, dont let her push u around when she says she wants to leave u tell her u think its a good idea. tell her you fed up and no man would take being treated like that

u need to really be firm and put an end to all this one way or another she needs medication

James Bond said:

Last thing I want is an ugly divorce. I really don't know how we will be able to continue on though. I thought at one time we had the same goals in life, but I don't believe that anymore. I want to be happy and live comfortably and I can do that now. She wants to live rich and wants to make as much money as possible and do expensive things and go to expensive places. When we talk about kids all she talks about is how she wants them to have the best and most expensive this and that and how she wants to take them here and there. If I have kids I want then to have nice things, but to also have respect for their belongings. She is to focused on material items and will never be happy untill she learns to be content with what she has.

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buddy if she treats you like that imagine how she would treat your innocent little kids. trust me kids can be annoying and someone unstable like that may not be a good mother, just thinking out loud here, if u are only married for one year she is only entitle to 6 months of alamony if anything at all.


u can get out of her grasp with little to no pain,

if this keeps going u will just end up divorcing her later when you older more bitter and she will get more of your money


run my friend if the meds dont work.

Honestly I don't think she would be a bad mother. She is very good with kids. And like I said I am not the best husband in the world. She doesn't have to be drunk for the arguments to occure either. I'm really just tired of of having to walk this narrow line to ensure her happiness. She used to be willing to compromise, but any more if I am doing something she doesn't enjoy then I am occused of doing it because I know she doesn't like it. She keeps telling me I've changed and I'm not the same person I was when we got married. Honestly I feel that I am no more than a hollow shell now, and the anxiety is really starting to get to me. I can't think strait, I am becoming less productive here at work, and I feel I am losing my grip on everything.

Panda, I think you mean things have changed for your wife 180 degrees, 360 is getting back to where you started.

JB, isn't it funny how your wife comments that you knew what you were getting when you married here? Can't the same be said for her about you? Clearly, she's trying to tell you what's wrong and clearly you cannot give her what she wants. Compromises must be made, and that begins with that communication that you're having so much trouble with. Here's my suggestion--write it down. Craft a letter to your wife. Read it, make the changes that you think it needs, then read it again. If it's what is heartfelt, if it's honest and doesn't BLAME anyone for anything, simply taking responsibility where you own you, you will be making the first step towards rebuilding something. If that's what you want, that is.

I've been married and divorced three times, the second time we had kids. I am on my third marriage, and it is wonderful. But, we are more mature people, we know OURSELVES better, we understand our baggage and where it belongs. That's not to say we never disagree or even have some pretty serious arguments, but as time goes by things are getting better and better. In order to get there you have to know yourself, well, before you can know your partner. I'm going to suggest FIRST getting some therapy and counseling for yourself. Especially given your last post. If your wife doesn't understand why you would need therapy for yourself, suggest that she needs it, too, because she is also clearly despondent.

However, she also needs to stop blaming you for her unhappiness. Once the blame game gets started, feelings can quickly become too hurt for any healing or finding common ground. She's gotta quit that, it's bullshit. If she doesn't, then put it out of your head, don't take it to heart. If that's possible for you, anyway.

One thing she's gotta quit is this bullshit of telling you how many other guys would be so happy to have her. That's hurtful.

James Bond said:

She wouldn't only be shooting herself in the foot, but she would not be able to get her nursing lisence either. She would move in with her parents or a friend before she would turn me though. She's not stupid.

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There's your leverage. You two are newlyweds, there are lots of questions, but you said you're not looking for that kind of advice. If she wants to use the grow to get to you, at you, or back at you, understand that the sword has two edges and cuts both ways. Will she cut off her nose to spite her face?