hmmm sometimes even the weed can't take the pain away..

A

anhkanm

Member
so yea i been goin through some crazy shit for goin on a year now.. I'm pretty sure everyone has had hard times like this.. but yea the story. me and her dated for a while and i really cared about her ya know thoughts of marriage and shit. but things went wrong and now still i can't get out of the rut. i mean i love her but she juss don't understand i guess. it's so hard in this world to find that one person that is everything to you. but after it all we've been having major ups and downs for a while. i figure maybe theres a reason why we keep getting pushed together even if we try to pull apart. i wrote this poem thing about it and junk. any comments appreciated. even the bad ones cuz they kinda make me laugh usually lol..

"Is my effort really getting anywhere. seems like all i do is try but its never enough,

i cut myself open wide,

reach inside,

 you help yourself to all i have,

 and then you help yourself again,

but would you complain that you didn't like the way i put the knife inside me,

 we all know what you'll say if i was to walk away,

i gave my mind my body and soul,

 juss to watch you laugh as i fall,

 i gave you my heart and you pull me by the arteries like a dog snap a vein i die inside again,

 don't put me through this pain,

 if you miss me, when you kiss me don't you see what we should be,

i don't wanna hear about your fear,

 if your confused then step away don't lead me through another day,

 don't tell me your confused if you know just what your doing,

don't tell me you need time if your juss gonna use it to hold out till you go away,

don't make me go through this again,

its hard to be half way from love to friend..
don't deny yourself of your feelings,

 everytime we pull apart something draws us back together for a reason,

 don't push me till i break,

 nothing can be worse than the great mistake,

 nothing cuts deeper than your absence,

 and nothing heals more than your presence,

 no kiss amounts and no smile can brighten my day like yours,

 if I'm left to die another day my strength might finally wear down,

 maybe it was wrong of me to give you a golden crown,

 but you're the queen of my eyes for nothing is richer to me than your love,

 i don't have the best qualities but i can love like no other person and my love is true,

 and that may not be enough but its all i can hope to do,

 i've tried to hate and failed at every turn,

the words i hear they never failed to burn into the back of my mind,

 if someone who can give you security just isnt enough what is it you need,

if someone can wait forever do you want another year longer,

perhaps a decade,

don't ever think i want you to just tell me what i want to hear,

even though i hold you dear its just not in my mind to have to live with the fear of you no longer being near,

theres so much i have left to tell you,

but its hard to find the trust,

my heart needs you more than the blood its forced to thrust,

you can be the sweetest and greatest girl i've ever
known yet lately its the most confusing and painful personality i've so far been shown,

grow up grow up,

 i've heard quite often but if i grow out past the clouds would you ask me to reach the stars,

for the longest time it seems i've reached for the stars and yet still all i can do is get burned,

for the love that i've yearned,

 i ask you to think and it seems only to get you away for another day only to continue on the exact same way,
has it even gotten through at all,

 this list of feelings could grow a mile tall,

patiently while lies are used as bait to keep me there pulling away as i try to bite coming closer everytime i move away chasing me in the back of my mind,

i'm not blind,

i'm not dumb,

 i'm done praying cuz the answers never come,

 don't put me through this again, the way you play the game of love so i never win,
when i play so hard juss trying to get a little further again i'm forced to the start from the beginning,

game over juss two more coins slipped into the machine to keep our hearts revolving trying to gind the mystery i'm constantly kept from solving,

 i don't wanna be hurt but my blood continues to squirt from the wounds in my heart,
and i can't even describe the pain i relive again and again its one in the same just a game and i'm the one to blame,

they say good things are left to come, come on and give me some thing to believe in, i can't keep going through this, in the world that i live its so easy to forgive yet so hard to be forgiven,

 and the sin continues,

in my dreams the happiness continues to last but all i can have are the memories of a time now past,

when i wake
the thought arises to go under the stake as my soul grows more dead and my blood drains red as the fire burning in my heart for you,

 what do i chase in any case,

 what i think is gold as the space grows larger and this empty heart grows darker,

 i don't know if i could take another careless mistake,

watching you walk away cuts a little deeper into my heart,

 when will it rupture,

 i find myself thinking my life can not be right,

 but i live on in spite,

of one more night i'm forced to fight,

the morning back hoping the dreams live on,

till the darkness is gone and i live on another day with you as my reason,

 how much longer,

can it last till sadness is just another part of my past,
my faith has long been running on fumes i fill myself with empty hope,

 i feel the pressure its coming down on me,

turning me black and blue,

left to live under your shoe,

 stepping on me like a door mat,

 the waters getting higher and with every inch i forget how to swim just a little more,

 with every step just a little closer the end seems so much further,

my regrets grow,

i'm moving to slow,

 my walk turns to a run,

and i chase the sun as the moon follows closer and closer behind me,

 sure life gives you lemons but whats the good of making lemonade,

without the sugar its juss as sour as it was to start with..."
​
 
BackDoorMan

BackDoorMan

Well-Known Member
If you could retype it.. maybe space it out some instead of all together like it is there.. ya know.. like one would write a poem/song.. that would help.. you now like..


this, so that when you read it, it doesnt run together

Separate the lines

because if you don't, it tends to bleed together.

It's also the quickest way to bore a reader..

unless it's just that bad..


I'm not trying to be a dick.. but it makes it easier to read something that isn't all plastered.. I really tried, but my eye's are getting bad in my semi-middle age.. and it all just tended to bleed together.

I also write, alot.. and can probably on some level relate.. if you'd like to correspond, trade ideas and whatever.. feel free to PM me.. I don't share my stuff so outwardly anymore.. probably because i dn't write as often as i used to...

Anyway there's the invite.. hope i helped out somewhat.. atleast on the writing aspect.. and maybe we have something to learn from each other, who knows
 
Bombadil

Bombadil

Well-Known Member
That's some heavy stuff man. I especially like the last two lines, mind if I quote them on occasion?
 
V

vtguy429

Well-Known Member
Yeah backdoorman, nice suggestion I couldn't make it through the other way either.. Its stil loooooong but I could read it in its new format.. I can tell you put alot of emotion in that, always good to get that shit out..
 
JustAnotherFriedDay

JustAnotherFriedDay

Well-Known Member
If she wants nothing to do with you, you should get over her. You'll be amazed how fast you forget once you get back in the field flirting and attracting women. You just have to keep stacking forward and don't let your past control you.

Your options are

1) think negative thoughts about your past and be narcissistic toward life and your relationship with your ex-girlfriend.

OR

2) move on, start attracting new women, experience incredible emotion and feeling with new people in the present instead of spending your present suffering over your past.

I had thoughts of marriage with a girl when I was 14, it was stupid and I thought it meant everything back then. I suffered for a couple years until I matured and moved on.

Anytime a woman fucks with you, or isn't real with you, or is throwing up her bitch shield with you, don't stand for it. You need to call her out on it and if she continues you need to move on.

That way you are qualifying her and letting her know that her bullshit won't work with you. The sooner you do that the better. With new women, do it from the very start of the relationship.
 
A

anhkanm

Member
thanks fininho!

to JustAnotherFriedDay :
i totally understand all that. i've been trying to work with her and everything. idk she juss changed all of the sudden like one day she was great next day on totally different! but i get what you mean and thanks for the help :)
 
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