Fruitcake recipe

cannabitch81

cannabitch81

Active Member
Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

1 C Water
1 C Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C Brown sugar
Lemon juice, nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer.
Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway???
 
Carne Seca

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
Bobby Flay eggnog:
mix eggs, cream, sugar, and rum, then throw it on the grill and garnish with mango chutney.


Sandra Lee eggnog:
Pour one tablespoon of store-bought eggnog into an 8-oz glass. Swish it around to coat the glass, pour out excess. Fill the remainder of the glass with vodka and serve.


Alton Brown eggnog:
Build a ridiculously complicated frothing machine out of dry ice, twenty feet of rubber tubing, a colander, and a garden hose nozzle, then follow a twenty-step process and deliver a five minute rant about why an egg separator is a useless "unitasker."


Rachel Ray eggnog:
The addition of a little EVOO to a traditional eggnog recipe is YUM-O!!!


Gordon Ramsay eggnog:
IS THAT HOW YOU BEAT A F*****G EGG? I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU F*****G DONKEY? GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT OF MY KITCHEN YOU F*****G C**T!!!!


Paula Dean eggnog:
Combine eggs, butter, whole cream, butter, sugar, butter, rum, butter, and more butter. Whip. Serve with a side of defibrillator.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top