Oh Urca... tough love time again:
Have you heard the phrase "free your mind and the rest will follow"? The way this world works, you have to change your intentions and your mindset before the physical reality changes to follow suit. It WILL change, but you have to have faith and put in your diligent focus and intention upon greater things before those greater things will come to you. The core of this is the self esteem issue, which you seem to "justify" by pointing out how you've been treated... which of course implies that you are determining your self-value based on others' opinions and not your own.
What I recommend is taking a hard and honest look at yourself and figuring out what it is about YOU that makes you unhappy... not how other people treat you... what makes you feel insecure personally? And what makes you feel GOOD? Can you see the difference between these thoughts?.. how a thought about something that makes you feel good has a completely different effect upon your nature?
Low self-esteem is, at the core, a choice. A defense mechanism, to keep people at a distance so that they can't hurt you. You'd be surprised how invincible people can be by CHOICE, even when they are heavier than normal or not society's idea of beauty. It is all a matter of mind state.
People VERY RARELY want to hear this, but it is true. From what I've seen, most people will IGNORE the true nature of reality because they don't really want to stop complaining or gain self esteem because the conditions of self-perception and self-definition (the "certainty" of you being a certain way due to your mind's constant re-insistance upon being that way through negative beliefs about yourself) have become a castle wall of defense--most feign interest in breaking these bonds but never TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND BREAK THEM because these things have become a shield and a barrier that protects the individual from what has been built up to be a much greater threat than the self: the opinions of others and the potential they have to hurt you. But this is a smokescreen based on the idea that other peoples' opinions are determinant of your emotional state, which is A LIE. It is a self-fabricated lie but a lie none the less. We choose to shirk responsibility for our own emotional states by pointing fingers at others... but at the end of the day, we choose to feel how we feel about any given event or stimulus, and we can choose to feel differently simply by embracing a more relaxed state of honest acknowledgement about our role and involvement in the act of "being offended."
The true culprit is YOUR OWN SELF. YOU are the one who is insisting upon the patterns you describe yourself as a victim of... and until you realize this, the patterns WILL persist. Plain and simple. You want to know why things go different for other people? Generally it is because they know that they CHOOSE their mind's programming with the thoughts they choose to hold... and by using this knowledge, an individual gains the ability to redefine their being from the inside out.
Through persistent intention and focus, you can change ANYTHING about your reality. But you have to WANT it in the first place.. you have to want it bad enough to recognize that YOU are the one holding the keys to your handcuffs. So... do you want it? Or are you just going to ignore the truth and continue to feign a belief that the handcuff keys are in everyone's hands but your own? What makes more sense? If you truly want it, you know the answer.
There is a path out of the place you are in, and it all starts with a very real and gritty true belief in the true nature of human intention and the ability to believe in yourself as a vehicle of that potential. Human beings do GREAT THINGS. Even if you don't believe in yourself right off the bat, you can look at other examples of accompllishment... and if you can temper the victim-mentality urge to say "I'll never be that good" you will find that there is some space made in your mind for awe-inspired thoughts like "Wow, look what a human being can do."
Find inspiration in others and their ability to rise against the odds and adversity... and realize that there is NO DIFFERENCE from person to person... circumstances do not make a man or a woman... only the fierce passion of a relentless heart saves a being from the downward spiral... because no matter the circumstances, self-sabotage will sneak up on the unaware and figure out a way to create hell under the guise of defense.
So choose awareness... choose the responsibility of self-knowledge... choose the right to be what ever you want. Or ignore it all and complain and hide behind the defense mechanism of the victim mentality... the choice is yours. THE CHOICE IS ALWAYS YOURS. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
