The UK Growers Thread!

The Yorkshireman

The Yorkshireman

Well-Known Member
If you bag your shit up in sealable sandwich bags then wash the outside of the bags with a weak bleach solution then it will take longer for the smell to permeate.

The bleach kills the micro organic matter that will have become stuck to the outside of the bags while handling.

Seal in a bag, wash outside of bag, seal in another bag, wash outside of bag, job done! ;-)
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
ah really, really , really , really , reall, really, really , really , really want tae get fuckin off ma face and hump a fuckin munter o a barmaid
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
ah used tae have real habit o shaggin older women, ah picked more grannies up than a bingo bus driver, they called me Harold Shipman in the pub for a while.only problem was that sumtimes it was like openin up a cheese toastie.
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
A bloke goes into an antique shop and asks how much the brass cat in the window is. The owner says, "£50 for the cat and £50 for its story."

The bloke says he'll just have the cat and sets off home.

As he leaves the shop, a cat starts following him, then ten cats, then a hundred cats, then a thousand cats, so he hoys the brass cat in the river and all the other cats dive in after it.

The bloke goes back to the shop and the owner says, "Back for the story, eh?"

The bloke replies, "No. Got any brass Pakis?"
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.

They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

Depends how much you've been drinking.

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I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the rail-road tracks (Sweden)?

Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

What did your last slave die of?

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Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

You are a British politician, right?

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Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

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Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

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I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

Yes, gay night clubs.

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Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

Only at Christmas.

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I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)

Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

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Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken."
 
newuserlol

newuserlol

Well-Known Member
cheddar1985 said:
Get in me son fuckin well chuffed for ya sambo im shit at guessin my own but if i have to look at sum1 elses lad im na to far away i take it the cocco is for keeps with the ripen then pal?
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yeah im fucking sold m8, 26 im well happy 9wks work lol well 2 n half waterings a wk lol

am just gonna do the same again chedz but this time 3 livers, 3 psychosis and 3 exo.
 
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