Here's a letter (paraphrased) from General Patton to his wife during the occupation. It took me a while to get the joke, but it is brilliant:
Dear Bea,
Today I made a surprise inspection of one of the companies in my command. I walked into the mess hall and noticed that all the soldiers had a fork in their blouse pockets. I asked one what the fork was for, and he told me "Well General, the Captain is a real stickler for hygene so he ordered us to carry a fork and when we want a slice of bread from the loaf on the table we have to use the fork and not our hands." I thought that was very interesting. Later I was walking around and noticed that all the men had a white string coming out of the zippers on their trousers. I asked a Private what the string was for and he said, "Well General, the Captain is a real stickler or hygene and he has us all tie a string to our willies so we don't have to touch it when we pee." I thought about it and asked, "But Private, how do you get it back in your trousers?" He looked left and right sheepishly and said, "I don't know about the other guys sir, but I use my fork."..............................
General George S Patton's headstone should have the inscription: "PEACE IS HELL"