My parents never hit me, and to this day my friend's parents are actually scared by the way I behave around them.
They say I'm too polite and it makes them uncomfortable. I do not speak out of turn, remember pleases and thankyous (even if they tell me to just have what I want) ask permission before entering the fridge or leaving the house, come immediately when called etc
My mother sits down and puts her leg up and I take my cue to remove her boots for her. My dad walks him and I get up and make him a cup of coffee. No ifs, no buts, I do it.
On the very rare occasion that I do talk back if I think my parents are being genuinely unreasonable (they are very used to being unchallenged) their screaming or just 'the look' terrifies the fuck out of me. They do not need to hit me, I have seen them beat the shot out of eachother enough to know what they are capable of. The times my dad has tried to take a swing at me I bit him very hard, the last time I ran off for three days.
He realised he was totally in the wrong when I came back he apologised and life has been better.
I think spanking can teach a child the way to dominate others and get them to do what you want is to hit them. This behaviour is often carried into adulthood, and gets people into trouble.
But, that being said, it depends on the nature of the child and their own intrinsic sense of morality. Sometimes the only way to et through to them or perhaps stop them from doing something stupid in the moment is to strike them. Repeated, deliberate acts of destructiveness or defiance may need that kind of correction. But my brother and I have always been kids who it was not in our nature to consciously be bad when our parents weren't standing over us threatening. It's a good thing for a child to want to be good because it's nice to, not because they want to avoid punishment. Something needs to be instilled on the inside by parents.
Too much discipline leads to rebellion, and too little discipline results in recklessness. It's a difficult balance to maintain, and my mother had learned this after many years working in a school. Knowing my mama would go nuts If I arrived home at 8:45pm instead of 8:30 at the age of 17 only made me dread calling her to tell her if I'd be out late at all, which only worried her. He acknowledged it was stupid to get so angry and I acknowledged that regardless,I should have called her to let her know I was held up on the bs another 15 minutes. No screaming, no spanking, but it took 17 fucking years to reach that 0_o
It really depends in the child, their age, maturity, desire to please and level of compassion for others. I'd like to think some kids can learn to avoid displeasing others out of their own heart and not through fear of someone bigger hitting them.
I am by no means a perfect child- a short-tempered, potsmoking flirt- but I try. I know my parents love me, but if they took the step of hitting me, I would probably say 'fuck it' to my usual subservience towards them. That would be the last straw and I would have been a more rebellious teen.
They seemed to think I was some awful kid before I left and they missed me, what other kid runs around the house cooking and cleaning and removing boots without having to e told? X3
