cop jokes

th3bigbad

th3bigbad

Well-Known Member
a thread just 4 cop jokes or stories


A cop on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Tell Santa next year to put a taillight on that bike." The kid says, "Nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The cop says, "Yeah." The kid says, "Well, tell Santa next year to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
 
th3bigbad

th3bigbad

Well-Known Member
Q: What is the only animal with an asshole directly in the center of it's back?
A: A police horse!
 
th3bigbad

th3bigbad

Well-Known Member
Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents.

The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going BOY?!?"
Bob thought for a second and asked, "Uhhh, over 55?"
"93mph son! 93mph in a 55 zone!"
"But if you already knew," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and your getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good look at the Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why,... I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob recanted, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?!?"
"I'm an asshole stretcher!!!" replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?!?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm an asshole stretcher!!!"
Of course the cop asked, "What does an asshole stretcher do?"
Bob explained, " People call me up and say they want to be stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull them farther and farther apart until it's six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole ?" Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!
 
drochoker

drochoker

Well-Known Member
well...this isnt about cops...but it's a black joke(not trying to be racist..fyi)

Q: Why are black people's palms white?
A: They're always up against cop cars..

haha...
 
entropic

entropic

Well-Known Member
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
 
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SaneLawsMake4SaneSociety

Well-Known Member
Not quite a joke, actually, but funny nonetheless....you could actually use this one, if you wanted to get beaten real bad, btw....and actually I know a couple of really cool cops. Hopefully they would take this well. They are huge ball busters anyway, so maybe they would.



on to the joke....


If a cop is writing you a ticket, ask them if this ticket will get you into the "Policemans Ball" for free.

(they either say no, or basically almost anything)

You then say, "Oh, that's right, Policemen don't have balls"

(and you are off to the beating...) :neutral:
 
goten

goten

Well-Known Member
DAVE CHAPPELLE WONT LET THE POLICE IN HIS HOUSE!! FUNNY SHIT
[youtube]ohSgdZrqTDk[/youtube]
 
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Benassi

Guest
So a cop walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink...








Bartender says "Get the fuck out".
 
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SaneLawsMake4SaneSociety

Well-Known Member
indy kuh said:
man, fuck you all!!!

my dads a cop lol. Im being serious too
Click to expand...
Hey man, I gave my disclaimer, dont get pissed, they are just jokes.

Also, cops are the BIGGEST ballbusters to each other I have ever seen. I sent to the "cop bar" in town here with my cop buddy once. Holy shit. Brutal.

You dad might actually like these jokes and use them on his boys. Just dont tell him where you got them, for the love of god.
 
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chitownsmoking

Guest
i got a joke...


whats the only good kind of cop??????




A DEAD ONE!!!!!
 
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chitownsmoking

Guest
you know what?????? on second thought ill think ill just pass.....
 
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