Need Help Leaving My Wife

[tytheguy111]

I got really darunk on the Fireball again tonight (seems to be happening a lot lately) and went for a walk. I was walking through this really big park where I live (I think it’s like 5,200 acres) and about 2 miles in I noticed some fires and music so I climbed down the trail to check it out. There was all of these people dressed in what looked like rags, but layered really cool, hats, scarves, loose bangles, and shit. I thought it might be some sweat lodge or something but I knew it was in a city park. When I approached them they all stared at me and became silent. I asked if they had seen my dog so I could keep walking through. About 100 yards down the way this really beautiful girl caught up to me and offered to help me look for my dog. She stared at me right in the eyes like she was looking for my soul. I hid it pretty well but it didn’t seem to discourage her from trying. I think she knew I didn’t have a dog because she just blurted out, “I know you don’t have a dog, did we scare you?”. I said no, I just didn’t feel welcome and didn’t want to bother anyone. She said “don’t be silly, we were all strangers at one point”. I told her I was stranger at all points and I think she liked it. She talked me into going back and introduced me to everyone. Now, I;m usually pretty bad with names but these folks had some really strange ones so it was really hard; Moondust, Keebler, Kizzy, Vadoma, Shandor, Grant, Cherish, Sahara, and the like.


They offered me a cup of something they all ladeled out of a barrel. It burned pretty bad but had a fruity taste and my new friend Ember wanted to taste it on my lips. She was pretty forward but in a slow, gentle, sincere way that made me want to play, and not disappoint. After a while I was pretty lit and we were all laughing and dancing. It started raining, but the large canopy of the trees kept it off of us for the most part. Ember asked me if I wanted to go look for my dog again and we went back into the darkness of the forest. At one point we stopped and she said she couldn’t see while she started to grope around, feeling me up. I was thinking she was some type of devil woman but it felt so right. Shit got real and long story short, I think I am going to join my new friends for a while. They talked about maybe heading towards the coast for the Summer, but anything goes.


So, I haven’t told my wife. I am trying to figure out how to break off clean. Should I go for “the loaf of bread” and never come back (my grandfather did that one, so it may be played out)? Should I park my car somewhere with the driver’s door open? Should I just say “see ya!”? Should I book a flight on AirAsia and not get on?


What do you guys think I should do so I don’t hurt my wife?

i can tell the desperation in your typing so ill answer this with as good of a plan as this small mind can storm up

1.) get a pinto (there cheap about the price of one bottle of Canadian mist if you know the right guy in Virginia)

2.) find a huge ass hill and a drunk hobo

3.) put the hobo (now drugged from nyquil) in the driver seat and put it in neutral going trunk first down the hill facing a large stiff object

4.) watch the fucker burn

5.) call 911 and say a dude driving a pinto went backwards down a hill and rammed into a large stiff object

6.) put on some aviators and walk away like a bad ass to your hippie hovel of drums and acid and general hippie disregard for cleansing there hovel and major nonobservance for personal hygiene


any questions? now go man you got a bitch to leave and some armpits to not wash

 

[curious2garden]

FUCK NO! My wife would go ballistic. cops would be called, maybe paramedics. Shit wouldn;t be right. Beside, what if dbkick is right and I do come back in a few months? I don;t want Grant, or Sven, or any of those wookies hittin her ladybits.

It;s gotta be clean. I go missing, hook up with Ember (and there was another girl kinda eyeing me that was pretty cute). Maybe I end up like Growan. Perfectly happy travellin. I;m really an anarchist at heart. I don't like people up in my shit. I do love my wife, for the last time, that's why I don;t want to hurt her. How about some advice on that, MFers??!?!?!?
50 ways sounds great, I just need one that works for everyone involved, and I think for me to end up missing is the best. That way, if shit goes sideways on the trail I can pop up with some story and all is well. MAybe even get a GD fund me and get rich.

If you want to keep your wife as an Ace in the Hole, I get it. Tell her you have a sudden need to go on a religious pilgrimage, play the religion card. I'd take the nephew too, he could come in handy but sell the baby.

 

[HoLE]

i can tell the desperation in your typing so ill answer this with as good of a plan as this small mind can storm up

1.) get a pinto (there cheap about the price of one bottle of Canadian mist if you know the right guy in Virginia)

2.) find a huge ass hill and a drunk hobo

3.) put the hobo (now drugged from nyquil) in the driver seat and put it in neutral going trunk first down the hill facing a large stiff object

4.) watch the fucker burn

5.) call 911 and say a dude driving a pinto went backwards down a hill and rammed into a large stiff object

6.) put on some aviators and walk away like a bad ass to your hippie hovel of drums and acid and general hippie disregard for cleansing there hovel and major nonobservance for personal hygiene


any questions? now go man you got a bitch to leave and some armpits to not wash

I owned a 72 pinto,,puke green with a white soft top,,,4 banger burnin oil like a mofo,,I was gonna ask if your avitar was your car,,now that your talkin bout it,,,,is it,,,,,my buddy across the street from me has a Maverick,,,,that baby blue with the black racing stripes,,pretty nice,,,he put a 5 litre mustang engine in it,,,as for the pintos,,,they were rolling bombs for a while

 

[tytheguy111]

I owned a 72 pinto,,puke green with a white soft top,,,4 banger burnin oil like a mofo,,I was gonna ask if your avitar was your car,,now that your talkin bout it,,,,is it,,,,,my buddy across the street from me has a Maverick,,,,that baby blue with the black racing stripes,,pretty nice,,,he put a 5 litre mustang engine in it,,,as for the pintos,,,they were rolling bombs for a while

oh no lol its not my car

its a advertisement for the pinto lol i just love to bring up the pinto cuz that car is absolute the worse car ever hahahaha

and if you get banged in the rear hard it blows up

 

[_MrBelvedere_]

 

[BarnBuster]

i forgot about the tattooed niece. she's old enough to watch the other two. does she have marketable skills? you'd at least have 2 earners

 

[ODanksta]

I did not say I was leaving and not coming back, I said "you won't have to worry about seeing my avatar again" and that was the plan until @panhead and GWN conviced me not to, and I also see no one has had a problem with me since the spam. Who are you anyway dyna 808 ? Sockpuppet for @Dyna Ryda ? Not trying to be rude or offend anyone just curious.

Lol, really you have to ask. And it's not a sock puppet he was banned over you..or atleast I think that is what happened

 

[Dyna808]

I did not say I was leaving and not coming back, I said "you won't have to worry about seeing my avatar again" and that was the plan until @panhead and GWN conviced me not to, and I also see no one has had a problem with me since the spam. Who are you anyway dyna 808 ? Sockpuppet for @Dyna Ryda ? Not trying to be rude or offend anyone just curious.

Last I heard Dyna Ryda went down in a blaze of glory being chased by the dea. They tried to raid him but he slipped out the back and jumped on his bad ass Harley. As the pursuit continued gun fire was exchanged, pretty sure he hit about 7 of them in the head with his .45. Then those coward mother fuckers ran him off a cliff into the ocean. His body was never found. They pronounced him dead and his son got the insurance money.

BTW, most people have you on ignore and the rest just don't pay attention to you. You tried to ruin this place and we hate you forever for that, seriously no one likes you.

 

[a senile fungus]

Last I heard Dyna Ryda went down in a blaze of glory being chased by the dea. They tried to raid him but he slipped out the back and jumped on his bad ass Harley. As the pursuit continued gun fire was exchanged, pretty sure he hit about 7 of them in the head with his .45. Then those coward mother fuckers ran him off a cliff into the ocean. His body was never found. They pronounced him dead and his son got the insurance money.

BTW, most people have you on ignore and the rest just don't pay attention to you. You tried to ruin this place and we hate you forever for that, seriously no one likes you.

I heard he burned rubber on the way out and the skid mark was in the shape of a giant cock.

Wow.

What a legend!

 

[HoLE]

HoL-E crap,,,,are you guys still together,were on page 4,,I bet your not sleeping with Ember right now,,,,,and if your with your wife grab her up and cuddle her like you never have before,,,,,

 

[ODanksta]

@ClaytonBigsby Man I always love your stories. But unfortunately I can't take you seriously, IMO you are the ultimate troll.. You piss off some, make others laugh and always 5star threads. But the whole grandma and the barn, lmfao. No man could ever send his grandmother to prison. But if I am wrong, and your life is really this crazy PM and let me party with these hippies too, I got a lot offer.. lol

And that drink you had with them was probably mead. It's wine made from honey, the shit is the bomb! But it's popular with that crowd..

 

[ODanksta]

And if ember is a drifter how the hell are you going to contact her? Does she even have a phone, how does she charge it and how do you know they are still even there?

 

[HoLE]

@ClaytonBigsby Man I always love your stories. But unfortunately I can't take you seriously, IMO you are the ultimate troll.. You piss off some, make others laugh and always 5star threads. But the whole grandma and the barn, lmfao. No man could ever send his grandmother to prison. But if I am wrong, and your life is really this crazy PM and let me party with these hippies too, I got a lot offer.. lol

And that drink you had with them was probably mead. It's wine made from honey, the shit is the bomb! But it's popular with that crowd..

he hasn't been here since page 1,,your prolly right

 

[Iloveskywalkerog]

Last I heard Dyna Ryda went down in a blaze of glory being chased by the dea. They tried to raid him but he slipped out the back and jumped on his bad ass Harley. As the pursuit continued gun fire was exchanged, pretty sure he hit about 7 of them in the head with his .45. Then those coward mother fuckers ran him off a cliff into the ocean. His body was never found. They pronounced him dead and his son got the insurance money.

BTW, most people have you on ignore and the rest just don't pay attention to you. You tried to ruin this place and we hate you forever for that, seriously no one likes you.

How could you say that when you became a member the day that I made the "Yup I did it all and I am sorry" you weren't here for the spam, no offense but you really need to hop off the bandwagon you're not gonna get much likes for trying to talk negatively about me, when you really don't know what I was like before that, I don't even know why you responded negatively when I said nothing negative to you.

 

[HoLE]

hey,,hey,,,,,,can't we all just smoke a bong

 

[Dyna808]

How could you say that when you became a member the day that I made the "Yup I did it all and I am sorry" you weren't here for the spam, no offense but you really need to hop off the bandwagon you're not gonna get much likes for trying to talk negatively about me, when you really don't know what I was like before that, I don't even know why you responded negatively when I said nothing negative to you.

please leave already, you said you would
I'm trying real hard to not be a total dick to you

 

[Captain Ron]

Did the cinna-whiskey give you heartburn

 

[Captain Ron]

?

 

[ODanksta]

Did the cinna-whiskey give you heartburn

Who's sock puppet is this? Lol

 

[ODanksta]

@HoLE he just posted this song in somebody's thread, definitely a sock puppet..