rant on bff

[S'Manta]

I have a bff who is ocd and a control freak. She has separated from her husband and bought a house with her dad who is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and is a notorious grouch.
We've been bff's for 35+ years and I've always enjoyed her until recently. I've realized that she never asks how I am, how are my animals, how's my son....nothing. I was just there over the weekend, leaving my last two plants to fend for themselves in a big storm and when I told her they took a beating she says, oh, big deal. When I told her my dog was terrified of the thunder and lightening and under the bed when I got home, she could care less. I told her it was the last time I'm leaving my dog that I won't be staying with her anymore, I'll be staying w/my son and DIL because Hilde is welcome at their house. While she has a dog, my dog isn't welcome because she thinks my dog is dirty even though she has seen my dog, once, and Hilde had just returned from the groomers, Hilde is dirty, she lives on a dirty ranch.
With my bff it has always been her way or the highway, I'm thinking of taking the highway...again.
Doesn't seem like much of a friendship, not what I think of as a friend.

 

[lahadaextranjera]

Have you raised any of these points with her? It seems that she's so consumed in her own problems that she has become a bit selfish. Unless of course she has nearly always been like this?

 

[S'Manta]

Have you raised any of these points with her? It seems that she's so consumed in her own problems that she has become a bit selfish. Unless of course she has nearly always been like this?

I have before, will do it again, but to no avail I'm afraid. She is such a control freak I can't stand it. She is so afraid of a drop of water on her sink that there are rules for getting water. When I pour a cup of coffee she stands behind me waiting for me to make a mess. She makes me nervous.

 

[S'Manta]

While she has always been like this, it seems like it is getting worse. Maybe my tolerance level is decreasing.

 

[MASTERofTHEgrowers]

I have a bff who is ocd and a control freak. She has separated from her husband and bought a house with her dad who is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and is a notorious grouch.
We've been bff's for 35+ years and I've always enjoyed her until recently. I've realized that she never asks how I am, how are my animals, how's my son....nothing. I was just there over the weekend, leaving my last two plants to fend for themselves in a big storm and when I told her they took a beating she says, oh, big deal. When I told her my dog was terrified of the thunder and lightening and under the bed when I got home, she could care less. I told her it was the last time I'm leaving my dog that I won't be staying with her anymore, I'll be staying w/my son and DIL because Hilde is welcome at their house. While she has a dog, my dog isn't welcome because she thinks my dog is dirty even though she has seen my dog, once, and Hilde had just returned from the groomers, Hilde is dirty, she lives on a dirty ranch.
With my bff it has always been her way or the highway, I'm thinking of taking the highway...again.
Doesn't seem like much of a friendship, not what I think of as a friend.

what is bff? who is hilda. these are my most best questions

 

[S'Manta]

I like how you get to the heart of the matter.

Bff = best friends forever.
Hilde is my sweet dog.

 

[lahadaextranjera]

I have before, will do it again, but to no avail I'm afraid. She is such a control freak I can't stand it. She is so afraid of a drop of water on her sink that there are rules for getting water. When I pour a cup of coffee she stands behind me waiting for me to make a mess. She makes me nervous.

I used to put all the tops back on things after my best friend. Even flip tops she'd leave open! I'm not OCD though.

This OCD problem is hers and not yours. Sure it's a pain but she can fix it. I knew a girl like that. It's weird.

Why don't you try and see her on neutral territory. Go for a coffee and leave the dogs and dishes behind. Then speak to her about what's bothering you. If she doesn't seem to care then maybe she's a friend that you don't really need.

 

[MASTERofTHEgrowers]

I like how you get to the heart of the matter.

Bff = best friends forever.
Hilde is my sweet dog.

hilder sounds like agood dog. is it a pit bull strand?

 

[S'Manta]

hilder sounds like agood dog. is it a pit bull strand?

No....she's 1/2 poodle and 1/2 cocker spaniel. Weighs about 40 lbs and is black and white fluff. She's an excellent watch dog and very sweet and loyal.

Today I'll take Hilde for a long walk and she can swim in the river, which is clean because its riverbed is rocks.

 

[MASTERofTHEgrowers]

No....she's 1/2 poodle and 1/2 cocker spaniel. Weighs about 40 lbs and is black and white fluff. She's an excellent watch dog and very sweet and loyal.

Today I'll take Hilde for a long walk and she can swim in the river, which is clean because its riverbed is rocks.

hope you can fix your friend and be nice too your dog is a nice dog. thanks again

 

[S'Manta]

hope you can fix your friend and be nice too your dog is a nice dog. thanks again

No, thank you and laha . . for putting into perspective.
Hilde thanks you, too.

 

[ttystikk]

I've had 'friends' like that. If they don't make me feel good to be around them, I stop being around them. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't care about you.

If you have good weed, it won't take long to find new friends, lol

 

[giggles26]

Stick it in her butt, then you will see her true colors....

 

[curious2garden]

I have before, will do it again, but to no avail I'm afraid. She is such a control freak I can't stand it. She is so afraid of a drop of water on her sink that there are rules for getting water. When I pour a cup of coffee she stands behind me waiting for me to make a mess. She makes me nervous.

Yeah I can OCD with the best of them. It worked like a champ in surgery, trust me you want OCD surgeons, really you do. Problem is as you age and this is catered to, with the best of intentions, it can swamp them fast. I encourage you to support her in getting help.

They have medications that work somewhat for this. Marijuana can really make this worse if you don't get the right type. There's some weed I can go really nutso with but with an extremely heavy indica on a bad day can help a lot. Edibles help as well they don't have as much head effect, but when you over dose on them it has a paradoxical effect so be careful there.

Be very honest with her. Give her examples as you did us then set limits on her behavior around you. You can make your relationship contingent upon her seeking psychiatric/psychological assistance. She can ramp this down and she will have a much better life. I'd explain that it is not healthy for you to be around her until she gets the help she so deserves and needs and it hurts you to see her in this much pain. You simply can not watch anymore.

Good luck with this, it's tough for the affected individual and worse for their friends and families in oh so many ways.

 

[chewberto]

Offer her marijuana, and tell her to "back the fuck up bitch, before I spit all over your sink." Then open all the cupboards, and mazaltov a plate at her bitch ass feet, that selfish clean greedy trick.

 

[S'Manta]

Yes, c2g you are right about medications helping if you will admit to having a problem that needs meds to fix it. Thank you for the thoughtful answer.
She is about 180 miles from me, my son and DIL have 2 residences, I'll stay at their city home with my dog. (that sounds grander than it is.)
I will talk to her . . .

 

[Singlemalt]

two words: fire bomb

 

[Granny weed]

Doesn't sound much of a friend to me, love me love my dog!! Find a new friend